When you are driving along, and the GPS begins to say "Recalculating" it's often because you have taken a different path than originally mapped or perhaps an unexpected event(s) occurred ahead - and the GPS is directing you towards a more efficient route to reach your destination. The Universe is like GPS for life ... if we are straying from where we are suppose to be, events will occur to help steer us back. Unfortunately these events may not always happen in the form of a joyous occasion, most often they are gut wrenching, WTF kinda of events.
Our first reaction, may be to want to stay on the path we know, even if we sense it could be chaos, overwhelming or dangerous to our well being (emotional, mental and/or physical health). A long time ago I recall someone saying to me ... "when something happens to us, it is good to wait at least 48 hours - this way you will be acting on what has happened instead of reacting." After all what happened will not change, but how you see it and respond to it may". I recently found myself practicing this advice, and I have to say my initial response, and how I now view a recent life changing event has changed drastically from my initial ego and fear driven thoughts.
I'm not going to sugar coat it lovelies, it is not easy choosing to take action vs reacting, and in all honesty when my heart was pulled out and stomped on like it never had in all my 50 years; not allowing ego and fear to take over was like trying to give a bath to a cat -who hates water! The days, and weeks that followed became filled with more questions than answers. "This" became one of those moments where I realized nothing would ever be the same. I think actively practicing regular self care and love has given me the wisdom and sound foundation to examine "this" with a clarity that may not have otherwise existed; and I also knew that I was not going to let "this" destroy me.
5 Tips to Adjust to "This":
1. Take TIME: When we are feeling betrayed or hurt, it is instinct to reach out to people who care about us - but in the next few hours, days - try to allow yourself time to process what has become your "new reality". While well intended, our friends and loved ones will go into protective mode of us - and we can easily take on their thoughts on the situation. Give yourself time to figure out how YOU really are feeling about the situation.
2. TALK to someone: If you are needing to talk - reach out to a psychologist, or other professional who can remain objective and help you through the initial processing of what has occurred. I am a firm believer that we should all have a psychologist on retainer and on speed dial.
3. Be SELECTIVE: When we are hurting, our need to feel loved, protected and connected can leave us vulnerable to blurting out our personal life to anyone who will listen. Seriously, the sales lady does not need to know your business. Limit your discussion to a handful of friends/loved ones - this is what our besties (see below) are for.
4. KNOW your besties: While our besties have our back ... in the days following the avalanche of your life - you will have days when you need the bestie, who will snap you into reality - no sugar coating tough love; other days you need the one who will hold your hand and draw on her experiences to help you process; and yet other days the one who just listens without interruption, judgement or I told you so. Of course they will all be ready with bubbly, a cup of tea, chocolate and ice cream - because you have the best BESTIES!!
5. Allow yourself time to GRIEVE: No matter what "this" was whether it was for the best or whether it really doesn't make sense, it's important to grieve the loss of what once was your life. Ensure you take off the rose coloured & bitter glasses, reflect on the good, the bad, the ugly, and the WTFs. But don't linger too long .... accept what has happened and start looking forward.
FORGIVENESS - what has happened cannot be changed, life will never be the same, you will never be the same, BUT ... when you forgive (be it yourself or another) you release the hold the past has on you ... and when this happens, the magic of new beginnings emerge ... and oh what a beautiful life you have ahead of you!! ( you just may not know it or be able to see it yet).
Lovelies remember, when the life we ordered has been discontinued - look at it as an opportunity to recalculate and set a new course for you and your life.
this article originally appeared on the blog High Heeled Life August 2017