By : Sandy O'Shea
I have a rather personal question for you. Do you masturbate? Do you do it alone? With toys? With a partner?
It absolutely astounded me as I was researching this topic how attitudes have not really changed that much when it comes to masturbation. It’s ok for men but not for women? Why the heck not?
There is no better way to get to know your own body, what you like and don’t like, than by masturbating. It’s also a great way to learn how to orgasm. Sadly, there are still so many women, regardless of age, who have NEVER experienced an orgasm. That is absolutely no reflection on them whatsoever and certainly nothing to feel negatively about. It’s a reflection on our society, on our upbringing, on taboos that are absolutely antiquated! Women have every right to experience mindblowing orgasms. Don’t get me wrong, masturbating is not just about achieving an orgasm and not all orgasms are mindblowing and that’s okay. But still, you absolutely have the right to them!
There is no better way for a woman to get to know her body and to learn to LOVE it, regardless of what it looks like. Take a good, long look at yourself naked when you get out of the shower. If you’re anything like me, you’ve got at least one part of your body (justified or not) that you dislike (to varying degrees). Loving and accepting your body today in all its flawsomeness does not mean you have to settle for where you are. It just means that you love yourself for who you are today.
Next, take a look at your “lady parts”. Women’s labia can be very different. There is no “perfect set” despite what you might think. We are all a little different and THAT’S OKAY. Use a mirror and take a good look at yourself, understand where all the folds are and where exactly your clitoris is. This will help you know where to put your fingers.
The myths associated with masturbation are very misleading as they are usually picked up sub-consciously through innuendo and jokes and are not ever scientifically verified and I just couldn’t bring myself to include the more outlandish ones here. Some myths claim that masturbation:
· you can run out of orgasms (i.e. using up sexual reserve)
· can cause mental health problems and craziness
· excessive masturbation can cause decreased sexual stamina
· can cause fatigue and tiredness
· can cause you to lose interest in sex with a partner
These are all so untrue.
There are many general health benefits to masturbation (and sex for that matter), such as:
And of course there are very definite sexual benefits to masturbation such as:
· becoming more comfortable with one’s body
· a way for women to find out what makes them orgasm so they can share it with
· have the ability to meet one’s own sexual needs without a partner
· there is no risk of sexually transmitted disease or unplanned pregnancy
· free, unlimited, pleasurable and fun
· it can be a very enjoyable intimate activity for couples who don’t want to, are not
able to or don’t feel ready for intercourse
· mutual masturbation can be a total turn on whether you have intercourse or not
· provides a release of sexual tension during a women’s menstrual period if she is
uncomfortable with sex during that time
As you can see, there are many benefits to masturbation. It is nothing to be afraid of, ashamed of or hide from your partner. By becoming more comfortable and familiar with your own body, you become more confident, both sexually and in life. Your partner (or future partner) will thank you for getting to know your body and for letting them know what you love and what you don’t. If you’re not sure how to talk to your partner, please feel free to reach out to me.
Some women enjoying using sex toys (a great idea for Christmas ;) ) are a great addition to masturbation. Again, they’re nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. Just be sure to use lube if you’re inserting anything inside of you.
I’ll go into more detail about the female orgasm another time but suffice it to say that there are several different types and we don’t all experience the same ones. Most women seem to respond more to clitoral orgasms, and there are wonderful toys available to help with that. Other women orgasm through penetration and there are certainly a bevvy of options in that regard. G-spot stimulators are sold on their own or some incorporate a clitoral stimulator as well for the most intense orgasms. Check any source for sex toys (yes, I’m one of those sources) and you’ll see a whole host of shapes and sizes. Some of them can actually look a little scary to be honest. LOL. For anal stimulation you can use a smaller vibrator if you’re just looking for some mild stimulation or you can use a more traditional dildo (they don’t vibrate) for a more intense experience and orgasm. There are also butt plugs and anal beads for the more adventurous. The range of toys and accessories is endless. If you can think of it, it probably exists and I work with a wholesaler to get you very reasonable prices.
The best part of many sex toys is they can be used when you’re alone, used by yourself with a partner or your partner can control the toy. Just make sure you are comfortable with your partner and trust them if using toys, especially anything where you relinquish total control to another person.
And always clean your toys with an appropriate cleaner available at any sex store (or me). We want to have good, clean fun, not end up with an infection.
. Image source: Canva